I have always thought my boy had a sprinkle of exceptional but, as his mum, that’s my job to believe that, right? 

His will of steel shone through very early on when he refused to sleep on his back, be tethered into a car seat or even deign to be pushed around in a pram the same as other babies. He preferred to face the world head on in a pushchair regardless of whether his tiny frame was barely big enough to fill the seat. He demanded to be seen, heard and to engage with the world on his own terms. From the moment the spark of life entered his eyes, he knew what he wanted, and he fought for it.

I will never forget the day at nursery when I collected him and was told that my 3-year-old son had got the grown-ups in trouble that day. You see, they had dared to discipline his friend, and G was outraged at them and told them they were doing it in the wrong way. While I played the part and apologised for him disrespecting the staff and said I would talk to him about his behaviour, I was secretly pleased at him standing up for what he believed in and taking on the authorities! That’s my boy, fiercely loyal and believes he is on equal terms with everyone.

I used to dread the nursery pick up, steeling myself to hear what he had done that day – bit another child, wouldn’t sit still, refused his discipline, kicked a grown-up … It seemed there was always something. But occasionally, they would be ready to show me something amazing he had done. He would build elaborate creations out of Lego, showing off his amazing engineering abilities beyond his years. 

G isn’t just exceptional—he’s officially exceptional. Recently, a specialist teacher assessed him and described him as “charming, a very bright young man,” adding, “he is the first person I have known to do this, and it is quite exceptional.” That’s not a mum brag (OK, it totally is). But seriously, I was so proud. G’s mind is nothing short of awe-inspiring, like an intricate galaxy of ideas, logic, and creativity swirling together. The problem? His spaceship just doesn’t like leaving the house, wearing clothes or brushing his teeth.

As much as it is lovely to hear your child described in this way, the reality is that his exceptional mind has nowhere to go. Mainstream schools are a battleground of sensory overwhelm. Resourced provisions are just mainstream with an annex slapped on. Specialist schools are perfect for many children, but they’d leave G’s academic hunger unsatisfied. And right now, anxiety, demand avoidance, and separation anxiety have grounded him entirely. So, that amazing mind is currently entirely focussed on conquering the world of Minecraft with a little sprinkle of forest school.

So here we are navigating the SENbetweener wilderness, armed with a determined spirit and a lot of coffee (me) and a high-spec gaming PC (him). Speaking of that PC, I know it’s not the best for his physical health or social skills. But right now, it’s his safe haven. If I could hook the thing up to a treadmill or a peer-support group, I’d be all over it. But alas, technology hasn’t caught up with desperate mums just yet.

Here’s the thing about being the parent of a SENbetweener: it’s a mix of heart-swelling pride and gut-wrenching worry. One moment, you’re marvelling at your child’s ability to outthink adults. The next, you’re trying to convince him that brushing his teeth isn’t an elaborate scheme to ruin his day.

I want to give G every opportunity in life, even if we have to take a scenic route to get there. It might not look like the traditional school-to-university-to-career path, but who cares? We’re forging a new road, one where G can thrive in his own time, in his own way.

The reality is, there aren’t enough options for children like G. Schools that cater to neurodivergent children often focus on learning difficulties but miss out on supporting those who are academically gifted but struggling with anxiety, communication, or sensory issues. These kids are falling through the cracks, and we as parents are left scrambling to find – or create – solutions.

We need schools that see the brilliance beyond the challenges, that can meet these children where they are and guide them forward. We need them to accept that our children will challenge them and we need them to treat our kids with respect. Until then, we SENbetweener parents will keep advocating, innovating, and yes, occasionally hiding in the bathroom to cry or stuff ourselves with chocolate because it’s just so much sometimes.

Despite the challenges, I refuse to let this story end in despair. My son is amazing, and I’m determined to help him flourish – even if it means tearing up the rulebook and starting over. We’ll find what works, even if it’s a patchwork quilt of small victories and unconventional choices. After all, who needs a straight path when you can create a masterpiece with twists and turns?

And that stubborn spark in my boy? It hasn’t dimmed one bit. Whether it’s insisting on solving problems his way, tackling his beloved PC games with the strategic mind of a general, or questioning the logic of why socks must be worn (because apparently, they’re oppressive), G has always been unapologetically himself. It’s that same will of steel that gives me hope – hope that, despite the hurdles, he’ll face life’s challenges head-on, just as he did from the very beginning.

To all the other SENbetweener families out there: we see you. Keep fighting, keep laughing, and keep believing in your exceptional kids. The actions we take now to advocate for our children, raise awareness of their needs and change the hearts and minds of others who judge us and our children really do count. Together, we’ll build a world where no one has to fall between the cracks. Until then, pass the coffee and chocolate.

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