Written by Sam Ryan
When you become a parent, you dream about the path that stretches out in front of you – a future filled with bedtime stories, unicorns and dinosaurs, snuggling under the covers on a Sunday morning with your little one, walks in the park and watching them run and play amongst the other tiny humans. What you absolutely do not imagine is that you will have to become an advocate, a lawyer, a detective, a child psychologist, an administrator and just all-round parent champion extraordinaire! Yet here you are, riding the rollercoaster of not being believed, having to overcome roadblocks and all the time helping your child move towards a future where they can succeed. You deserve a gold medal just for staying upright! But since there are no prizes for SEN parenting that are worth more than seeing your little one happy and content, here are a few tips for surviving and thriving with a smile on your face:
Own Your Expertise: Who knows your child best? Well, the answer’s clear: you do. If the ‘professionals’ across the table can’t see the needs of your little one, that doesn’t invalidate your day-in, day-out experience. So, when parent-blaming creeps in, remind yourself (and them) that your PhD in Your Child is real – even if you’re the only one who gave it to you.
Create Your Mantra: When you’ve heard, “Don’t worry, they’ll grow out of it,” or “have you tried implementing routine and consequences” for the thousandth time, having an internal pep talk can keep your spirits up. Maybe it’s as simple as “We’ve got this!” or “Well, that’s their opinion” or even “WTA… who on earth do you think you are! Shut the front door, you know nothing. I could wipe the floor with you on what I know about parenting a SEN child”. Silly as it sounds, it helps shut down the negative self-talk that creeps in after being dismissed.
Find Your Tribe: There’s something truly magical about connecting with other SEN parents who get it. You can vent, share ideas, and basically become each other’s cheerleaders. Sometimes, a single text saying “OMG, that meeting was brutal” to a friend who understands (or posting in the amazing SEN Parent Support Group!) can keep you going until the next round.
Collect the Evidence: Channel your inner detective: keep a diary, take videos of typical (and not-so-typical) moments, gather school reports, use the parent resources we have in group. It’s frustrating to have to “prove” your child’s needs but having that hard evidence can be your superpower when you go up against the doubters.
Humour as Self-Care: It might sound bananas, but laughing at the absurdities can help. Let’s face it, hearing “Have you tried giving them more structure?” for the tenth time from a new professional can just about tip us over the edge. Find your favourite outlet –hilarious cat, dog or goat videos, an episode of Friends / Big Bang Theory or simply imagining the SENCO / teacher / Head / caseworker wearing a tankini and riding a T-Rex at the next meeting might just lighten your mood a little. A good chuckle is the best stress-buster.
Look After Your Own Well-Being: None of us can advocate from an empty fuel tank. Whether it’s a simple walk in the park, a warm bath, or a late-night chocolate indulgence, schedule the time you need to recharge – no guilt allowed. Self-care is basically your armour.
Remember the Big Picture: One meeting, or even one set of professionals, doesn’t define your child’s future. Yes, it can be draining to explain the same story to multiple people, but each time you’re advocating, you’re teaching others about your child’s uniqueness – and every step is pushing towards the support they deserve.
Above all, be kind to yourself. You’re doing the heavy lifting of helping your child navigate a world that doesn’t always make space for them. And hey, you’re absolutely killing it, even on days that feel like everything’s stuck in a loop. You know, that unstoppable love you’ve got for your child? It’s worth more than any pile of expert opinions. Keep going, keep laughing, and know that there’s a whole tribe of parents standing shoulder-to-shoulder with you, cheering you and your child on—whatever obstacles pop up. You’ve got this.
