Do you still remember that first day of school for your little one? You dressed them up, ready to embark on their school journey, forced them to stand and smile for pictures. You may have joined the legions of other proud parents and posted on Facebook to memorialise that first day of school to look back at in years to come. Didn’t they look soooooo cute on their uniform? At that time, their whole life was stretching out in front of them.
We all start this journey with a dream. A vision of school as a magical place where our children are welcomed, supported, and understood. Where teachers are armed with endless patience, the curriculum bends to fit the child, and every day ends with your kid coming home smiling, proudly holding up their latest masterpiece or the headteachers award for being an amazing tiny human. We envision playtimes with our little people happily running around with their friends playing tig, skipping or playing What Time is it Mr Wolf.
School – the great sausage machine of society! A place where “attendance is everything” (because nothing says wellbeing like dragging a child in kicking and screaming for the sake of a ticked box), academic achievement reigns supreme (so long as your child fits neatly into their one-size-fits-all test), and sanctions are handed out like sweets at a party—just without the fun. Behaviour policies are all about rewarding conformity and punishing individuality, as though turning out perfectly identical kids is the gold standard. If your child dares to think differently or struggles to sit still for six hours straight they MUST be sanctioned. After all, how else will they become perfect little sausages ready to be packaged and sent off into the world? Sure, the machine wasn’t built for our SEN kids, but we are not here to make sausages—we’re here to build masterpieces.
The system is broken. It’s a tangled mess of red tape, contradictory policies, and phone calls that always seem to end with “I’ll get back to you” (spoiler alert: they won’t). But here’s the thing: you’re not just navigating this mess – you’re winning. Every email you send, every meeting you attend, every fight you fight – it all matters. You’re not “THAT parent” because you wanted to be. You’re “THAT parent” because the system made you.
On those days where you are starting to consider, as others have been telling you, that YOU are the problem, shake this right off! Think about your wonderfully unique and amazing child. Are they sausage shaped? I would suspect not . Remind yourself that your child is not a sausage – they are a fillet steak, a watermelon, a cauliflower or a delicious lemon meringue pie (OK… I have gone too far with this analogy now!).
Here’s the thing: you’re not failing; you’re innovating. Every time you push back on an unfair decision, you’re teaching the system a lesson it desperately needs to learn. Every time you advocate for your child, you’re not just rewriting the rules; you’re tearing up the old manual and handing it back with a “Nice try, but must do better.” Don’t be scared to get out your red pen and give the school a big fat .
You are a SEN parent . You have dealt with sleepless nights, meltdowns, anxiety, assessments, parent blame, odd looks from strangers. You have fought battles that only another SEN parent can understand. You are not just a parent – you’re a teacher, a therapist, an advocate and sometimes a detective (because finding out what is really going on with your little one takes Sherlock-level skills). So when you have to face that meeting with the SENCO, head teacher or go to mediation with the LA, step back and look at all the skills you have acquired. They may appear to have your child’s life in their hands, but you have all the power that comes with being a SEN parent .
So when the system feels impossible, just remember – you’ve already conquered the unimaginable. And that, my friend, is why you are unstoppable.
Disclaimer: Not all schools are sausage factories. Some are like artisanal bakeries—crafting unique, bespoke buns with care. This is a generalist view and may not reflect your experience. If your child’s school is already amazing, please keep it up and send us their secret recipe!
Communicating With School
SEN Support Before EHCP
All Things EHCP
- LETTER: To The LA When They Do Not Include Private Assessments In Your Draft EHCP
- LETTER: Responding To A Substandard EHCP Draft
- RESOURCE: Preparing for Mediation (EHCPNA Refused)
- LETTER: When the LA Refuse To Do A SLCN (salt) Or OT Assessment During EHCPNA
- LETTER: Asking LA To Consult School of Choice During EHCPNA
Attendance, Exclusions & Sanctions
- LETTER: To School When They Fail To Progress After Part Time Time-Table
- VLOG: How To Communicate To Prevent The Threat of Fines!
- GUIDANCE: Government Guidance on Suspension/Exclusion – England
- RESOURCE: Parent Admin – Spreadsheet for recording school events.
- GUIDANCE Penalty Framework © SEN Parent Support Group
Complaints
- LETTER: To School When Whole School Approach To Adjustments Is Not Applied Consistently (IEP or EHCP)
- RESOURCE: LGO Outcomes
- LETTER: Right to Choose Rejection 3 Step Complaints Letters
- RESOURCE Core Deficit Supporting Tool ©SEN Parent Support Group
- LETTER: To SENCO Ref: APDR Prior to Stage 1 Complaint
