As the school year draws to an end, we want to recognise YOU and everything YOU do to support your children. You may be breathing a sigh of relief at the upcoming respite from thinking about school. You may be dreading the school holidays – your child has become weary at school and the repercussions of that are showing in their behaviour at home. You may not know how to feel because, as a result of the battles you have been fighting, you are faced with your own trauma response. AT SEN PSG, we are passionate about helping other parents to be empowered, to know their rights, to use the law and regulations to get what their children deserve. However, we do know that the fight can have a major impact on our own mental health. We have been there. Some of us are still there. We feel you! With a SEN child, it is not always as easy as saying ‘take some time for you’. If you have a child struggling with separation anxiety, at home with you unable to attend school or you are their only safe adult and cannot leave them, these words can seem hollow. You may think that this is impossible to do. So, I wanted to share some thoughts today on some little things you can do that may help YOU. – Breathing exercises can help to calm a frazzled nervous system. You can do this sat on the toilet when you get just a few minutes to yourself, as you lay in bed at night with thoughts whizzing around your mind or at the start of the day before the kids are up. Find a quiet space and just spend 5 minutes. Close your eyes, breathe in through your nose and count to 3. Breathe out through your mouth, counting to 6. As you breathe, focus your attention on the sensations you are feeling. If thoughts invade your mind, recognise it and move it to one side and focus again on the breathing and the sensations. Allow your mind to still. Try to spend 5-10 minutes just breathing when you get the chance. – Journalling can be a fantastic way to get the words out of your mind and release your thoughts and feelings. This could be a physical book you keep on your bedside table and write a little bit at bedtime. It could be done on your phone and you just write little bits throughout the day. You could even use a text to speech app. It can be as much or as little as you want to say. If you struggle with journalling, just record what was difficult, what went well and what are you grateful for today. – Be kind to yourself. This journey, for some of us is creating a genuine trauma response. That is some people’s reality. It could be that the admin, the organisation, having to assert yourself may trigger your own SEN. It could be that the injustice of it all creates a fire inside you that impacts your mental health. It could be that your child is distressed, and you absorb their pain every day. I hear many parents apologising for struggling. Never apologise for this. This battle can be exceptionally hard and it challenges us in so many ways. Never feel bad for struggling because it just shouldn’t be this hard. – Ask for help. We were never meant to parent alone. Remember the phrase ‘it takes a community to raise a child’. We are part of your community.
The Journey of SEN Parenting: Resilience and Strength
To every SEN parent and carer out there: today is a reminder of the incredible resilience and strength you embody each and every day. Today, let’s celebrate the strength, love, and resilience it takes to walk this path. Every day, you’re not just a parent – you’re an advocate, a teacher, a friend and a source of endless patience. You are your child’s north star. You are the lighthouse that stands tall and shines bright for them, guiding them through the storm to safety, peace and calm. The challenges may be unique, but so are the victories. Remember, it’s okay to acknowledge the tough moments while embracing the incredible progress made, no matter how small it may seem. When you feel it is too much, that you can’t keep going or that you are alone on this arduous journey, let SEN Parent Support Group be that lighthouse for you. We know that every challenge can feel like climbing a mountain, whether it’s navigating appointments, advocating for the right support, or managing the daily ups and downs of your child’s needs. But every small step forward is a testament to your commitment. The progress may seem slow, but it’s progress nonetheless – and every victory, no matter how small, is a reflection of your unwavering determination. Let’s not forget the personal sacrifices you make, the endless research you do, the compromises you make, and the sleepless nights you endure. Yet, despite it all, you rise, time and time again, stronger than before. You are a champion for your child, an advocate for their needs, and a constant source of love and support. Your work may not always be visible to the world, but to your child, it’s everything. It’s okay to feel tired. It’s okay to have days where it all feels like too much. What matters is that you keep going, no matter how tough the journey becomes. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Know that you are not alone, and there’s a community of parents here who understand, who are cheering you on, and who are walking this journey with you. Take a moment today to acknowledge just how far you’ve come. Whether it’s a milestone reached, a new strategy learned, or simply making it through another day, it’s all progress – and it’s all because of you. You are doing an incredible job, and your love, patience, and tenacity are building a brighter, more inclusive future, not just for your child but for every family navigating the SEN world. Keep going. You are stronger than you know, and your child will thrive because of you. Together, we will continue to rise and create a better tomorrow. Written with love for @everyone on this journey
IT’S A MARATHON, NOT A SPRINT
Whether you are trying to get that long awaited assessment for diagnosis, you are seeking mental health support for your CYP or you are fighting for that elusive EHCP, you may feel that you are being blocked at every turn. How many times have you thought ‘It should not be this hard!’? You are absolutely right and it’s the awful reality many of us are facing. To get our child their basic right to suitable health care and education really shouldn’t be this hard. Sometimes it can feel hopeless. I have been there myself, believing that there was no way out of the situation we are in. We are fighting in every direction to get support: school, the LA, our GP, social care … We are still on that path and have a long way to go, but I have realised that it is a marathon and not a sprint so am trying to take the pressure of myself and celebrate each small step. So, my advice today is to conserve your energy, celebrate each small step forward, and think of one step at a time. If you think about everything that needs to be done, it feels overwhelming. If you think about just the very next step (e.g. speaking to GP for anxiety, writing to SENCO to request reasonable adjustments, parent views for EHCP ….), it may just seem manageable. Be kind to yourself along the way. We didn’t go into parenting thinking we would have to fight this hard. The dreams we had for our families and our children can seem so far away from our reality. We can feel like we are failing when the truth is we are being failed. Step back, pat yourself on the back for what you HAVE DONE and stop focussing on what is still to do. When I started creating our quick guides, it was exactly for this reason that it all felt so overwhelming. My simple brain wanted to break it into bitesize steps. Have a look through our quick guides that are summarised in our flip book https://www.facebook.com/share/p/pNYa6fUNnw8uZJ6b/ Think of this now as a marathon. You need to pace yourself. Pick which battles you want to fight (there will be plenty along the way), Keep your eye on the end goal, but use your energy for the very next step you need to take, and, if it all feels overwhelming, come into group and ask for support. WE’VE GOT YOU
We Know You, We See You & We Hear You
We hear you. Every day, we listen to your world – the things you say, and the things you don’t. We are on alert, listening and attuned trying to anticipate and respond. We know you; we see you and we hear you sweet child.
We know the seams in your socks are unbearable. They feel like tiny wires pressing against your toes, even though we can’t feel them ourselves. How can we help? Let’s try new socks. You don’t like them? OK, we’ll look for something else.
THE SYSTEM IS BROKEN, NOT YOU
Do you still remember that first day of school for your little one? You dressed them up, ready to embark on their school journey, forced them to stand and smile for pictures. You may have joined the legions of other proud parents and posted on Facebook to memorialise that first day of school to look back at in years to come. Didn’t they look soooooo cute on their uniform? At that time, their whole life was stretching out in front of them. We all start this journey with a dream. A vision of school as a magical place where our children are welcomed, supported, and understood. Where teachers are armed with endless patience, the curriculum bends to fit the child, and every day ends with your kid coming home smiling, proudly holding up their latest masterpiece or the headteachers award for being an amazing tiny human. We envision playtimes with our little people happily running around with their friends playing tig, skipping or playing What Time is it Mr Wolf. School – the great sausage machine of society! A place where “attendance is everything” (because nothing says wellbeing like dragging a child in kicking and screaming for the sake of a ticked box), academic achievement reigns supreme (so long as your child fits neatly into their one-size-fits-all test), and sanctions are handed out like sweets at a party—just without the fun. Behaviour policies are all about rewarding conformity and punishing individuality, as though turning out perfectly identical kids is the gold standard. If your child dares to think differently or struggles to sit still for six hours straight they MUST be sanctioned. After all, how else will they become perfect little sausages ready to be packaged and sent off into the world? Sure, the machine wasn’t built for our SEN kids, but we are not here to make sausages—we’re here to build masterpieces. The system is broken. It’s a tangled mess of red tape, contradictory policies, and phone calls that always seem to end with “I’ll get back to you” (spoiler alert: they won’t). But here’s the thing: you’re not just navigating this mess – you’re winning. Every email you send, every meeting you attend, every fight you fight – it all matters. You’re not “THAT parent” because you wanted to be. You’re “THAT parent” because the system made you. On those days where you are starting to consider, as others have been telling you, that YOU are the problem, shake this right off! Think about your wonderfully unique and amazing child. Are they sausage shaped? I would suspect not . Remind yourself that your child is not a sausage – they are a fillet steak, a watermelon, a cauliflower or a delicious lemon meringue pie (OK… I have gone too far with this analogy now!). Here’s the thing: you’re not failing; you’re innovating. Every time you push back on an unfair decision, you’re teaching the system a lesson it desperately needs to learn. Every time you advocate for your child, you’re not just rewriting the rules; you’re tearing up the old manual and handing it back with a “Nice try, but must do better.” Don’t be scared to get out your red pen and give the school a big fat . You are a SEN parent . You have dealt with sleepless nights, meltdowns, anxiety, assessments, parent blame, odd looks from strangers. You have fought battles that only another SEN parent can understand. You are not just a parent – you’re a teacher, a therapist, an advocate and sometimes a detective (because finding out what is really going on with your little one takes Sherlock-level skills). So when you have to face that meeting with the SENCO, head teacher or go to mediation with the LA, step back and look at all the skills you have acquired. They may appear to have your child’s life in their hands, but you have all the power that comes with being a SEN parent . So when the system feels impossible, just remember – you’ve already conquered the unimaginable. And that, my friend, is why you are unstoppable. Disclaimer: Not all schools are sausage factories. Some are like artisanal bakeries—crafting unique, bespoke buns with care. This is a generalist view and may not reflect your experience. If your child’s school is already amazing, please keep it up and send us their secret recipe!
Giving up the guilt
As I sit here, 1,191 miles away from my son, I am filled with a sense of peace and gratitude. Before I came, I felt an immense and crushing guilt about leaving him. He has been anxious about me going, begging me to stay with him. I am choosing in this moment not to let that guilt linger. I am very blessed that I have this opportunity to spend a few short days in Portugal with my dad and stepmum. I am here to check in on my daddy who had an operation recently to repair a broken collarbone (some say he should not have been whizzing round Vietnam on a motorbike in his 70s, I say I am very proud of his adventurous spirit and energy levels that put me to shame!). Anyway, here I am, waking on my first day to glorious sunshine, warm weather and a sense of peace I have not felt for some time. I do not take this short break for granted. I know of many members who need this even more than I do. I truly wish I could bring you all with me and give you a slice of peace that you all deserve so much. So, I have been thinking this morning about what I could write about that might bring you a little bit of peace and I have landed on encouraging you to let go of your guilt. When you become a parent, there are lots of things you are warned about – sleepless nights, your social life has ended, projectile vomit, terrible twos, disgusting nappies and so much more. What I was not prepared for was the crushing guilt that came with being a parent. Am I a good enough mum? Am I the reason he is like this? What am I doing wrong? Why is my son the only one wearing his PE kit on school photo day (I will blame that one on my own ADHD!)? This list of reasons to feel bad about yourself can be endless and it can create a sense of unease, impact your mental health and leave you doubting yourself as a parent. Layer onto this being a SEN parent and you must also contend with the parent blame, referral to parenting courses and the constant disbelievers who leave you doubting yourself. As if that isn’t enough, the most crushing guilt can come when you start to think: I just need to get away from my child I need some time for me I have lost who I am because of my child I love my child, but I wish the situation was different I feel trapped I can’t cope anymore These are the thoughts that many do not dare to utter, feeling it may reflect badly, make them sound like they don’t love their child or make others think badly of them. Well, I am telling you now that it is OK to have these thoughts and there is absolutely no reason to feel shame or guilt. In SEN Parent Support group, we do not judge, we understand. We do not shame, we feel the pain with you. So here goes on how I truly feel about my own situation: Writing this here, I do not feel guilt about having these thoughts. I did not sign up for this. I never imagined this would be our reality. I had envisioned a child who would excel at school and have a bright future filled with happiness and contentment. I sometimes grieve for the lost dreams of our family and that is OK. I am not a bad mum to wish that our life was easier, I am just human after all (with a sprinkle of superhuman of course, because I am a SEN parent after all!). Today I encourage you to think hard about whether you are carrying the burdensome weight of guilt with you. Is it weighing you down? Are you doubting yourself or having thoughts that you do not share in case you are judged? If yes, how can you release these? You could speak to a trusted friend, write them down in a journal, share them with us or even write them on a piece of paper then rip it into tiny pieces and see all your guilt torn up. There really is no need to carry this around with you my lovely member. After all, you too are human (with just a little sprinkle of superhuman). As I sip my coffee, bathed in the golden glow of the Portuguese sun, and looking over the coast of the Algarve, I’m reminded of one final truth: guilt may be part of parenting, but so is resilience. So here’s to letting go of that crushing weight, finding peace in the chaos, and—most importantly—embracing the fact that it’s perfectly acceptable to need time away for yourself… in fact it is essential to recharge the batteries that our little munchkins drain with their persistent whining, constant demands and, for some, their instance that you make every demand into some awful gamified version to hide the fact you just want them to brush their blooming teeth! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to remind my dad why playing football and a broken collarbone don’t mix—right after I convince him that a zip-lining tour isn’t “just a gentle ride through the trees.” Some battles we fight for our children, others for our parents, but either way, we deserve a laugh along the way. 🌞
FOR ALL OF OUR KIDS
My son is funny and bright My son is loving and kind My son shines like the brightest light My son has a different mind Not everyone can comprehend The challenges our children face Or that a child who has SEND May struggle to find their place They slip on their mask every day Trying to blend into the crowd Mimicking how other kids play While inside a voice screams so loud ‘This isn’t right, this isn’t me’ But to let the mask slip is scary ‘Can you accept me and just let me be free?’ But they continue to feel wary As, to let the mask go will make them stand out What will others think when they know That they want to jump, flap, spin and shout It’s not ‘acceptable’ for this to show But one day the choice is taken away They no longer have the ability To hold up their mask every day They are now plagued with a fragility Because the strength that was needed To hide the bits that don’t fit Had gradually receded Now they have to admit “It’s too much … it’s too hard Leave me alone … go away I can’t speak, it’s too hard No I don’t want to play Just leave me alone Stop bothering me I want to be on my own I just want to be free I can’t go to school I hate it there They are too cruel They really don’t care” I wish I had seen how hard it was for him I wish I had listened more to what he was saying I didn’t realise that it was so grim I didn’t recognise the price he was paying My son is funny and bright But the light inside him dimmed The day he hit fight or flight If only he could have stimmed I cannot change the past But it will not defeat my boy This feeling he has will not last He will one day feel joy Because together we are finding a way out Where he can be his authentic self He can jump, flap, spin and shout He can leave the mask on the shelf
The Power of Community
®SEN Parent Support Group A Members thought.. When we face the challenges of raising children with SEND, the journey can often feel isolating, overwhelming, and, at times, heart breaking. But something incredible happens when parents and carers come together, share their stories, and offer support: we build a community that uplifts, strengthens, and empowers each other to face the struggles ahead. Our SEN Parent Support Group has grown to over 20000 members since its founding by Andrea Dixon-Boldy on February 28th this year and is a shining example of just how powerful such a network can be. The size of our group alone is a testament to both the scale of the SEND issues we face and the deep need for connection and support. More than just a number, every member represents a family navigating a system that can sometimes feel stacked against them. In this group, we have found a place to share our experiences and our heartbreaks, but also our victories and hard-won successes. It is one of the most rewarding things I’ve been a part of, knowing that we are not just providing information but hopefully helping to guide so many families toward a brighter future for their children. None of us should have to walk this path alone. For many of us, there have been dark times this year. I’ve personally felt the weight of those moments when my son hit burnout, and the pain was almost unbearable. But through it all, I found solace in knowing that my experience could help someone else avoid the same heartbreak. That’s the real power of our community: using our own struggles and pain as a source of strength for others. Every shared story, every bit of advice, and every show of solidarity helps ease the burden for the next parent or carer facing a similar challenge. We are, above all else, a safe space. In a SEN world that can sometimes feel harsh and unsupportive, our group stands as a place of refuge. Here, we understand each other without judgment and offer support without hesitation. Our members, no matter where they are in their journey, know that they are not alone and that they have a community of other parents and carers who genuinely care and ‘get it’. But beyond emotional support, we strive to be part of the solution. Awareness of SEND issues is vital, and there are many groups out there raising their voices through petitions and activism, which we applaud wholeheartedly and appreciate the awareness this raises. However, our approach is grounded in empowering parents and carers with the knowledge they need to advocate for their children. We believe that one of the most powerful tools in this journey is understanding the law and your rights. By providing resources for free, we aim to equip families with the knowledge and confidence to ensure that their children receive the support and education they are entitled to. When parents know the law, they are better positioned to stand up for what is rightfully theirs, and in doing so, they pave the way for long-term change. The transformation that happens within this community is profound. Parents come in feeling lost and defeated, but through connection and education, they become empowered and ready to fight for their children’s futures. Together, we are part of something bigger than ourselves, something that extends beyond any one family or child. We are creating ripples of change that will help reshape how SEND issues are approached and understood. It is a journey of shared resilience, hope, and empowerment. And it’s one that I am so proud to be part of. Every day, as we continue to grow, I see the impact we have not just on parents and carers, but ultimately on the children who are at the heart of it all. They are why we fight, and they are why this community exists. This group has become more than a support network – it is a lifeline. For every parent who feels lost in the system, for every child who deserves better, and for every family standing at the brink, we are here, together, to make sure no one is left behind. That’s the power of our community, and that’s the difference we’re making, one shared story, one empowered parent, and one supported child at a time. A HUGE thanks to Andrea for making this a reality and to the selfless team of volunteers ready to support you!
