Communication Breaks Down School v's SEN Parent

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When Communication Breaks Down: Rebuilding Trust and Challenging the “Vexatious” Label

In an ideal world, the relationship between a parent and their child’s school is built on trust, transparency, and shared purpose. But for many families navigating SEND provision, that relationship can fracture sometimes irreparably.

When communication breaks down, it doesn’t just affect the parent. It affects the child’s access to support, the accuracy of their EHCP, and the overall wellbeing of the family. And in some cases, it leads to a troubling escalation: parents being labelled as “vexatious.”

What Does “Vexatious” Really Mean?

The term “vexatious” is meant to describe complaints that are malicious, repetitive without merit, or intended to disrupt. But in the SEND landscape, it’s often misused applied to parents who are simply persistent, informed, and unwilling to accept unlawful practice.

Parents who ask for clarity, challenge unlawful decisions, or escalate concerns through proper channels are not being vexatious. They are advocating. And when schools or local authorities use this label to silence or side line families, it’s not just unfair it’s unlawful.

How Communication Breaks Down

• Lack of transparency: Schools failing to share updates, minutes, or provision logs
• Dismissal of parental insight: Parents being excluded from decision-making
• Inconsistent responses: Emails ignored, meetings cancelled, concerns minimised
• Procedural failure: Refusal to follow statutory timelines or co-production duties

These breakdowns often begin subtly but escalate quickly. And when a parent continues to push for answers, they’re sometimes met with defensiveness or accusations of being “difficult.”

How Parents Can Respond

1. Document Everything
   Keep a clear record of communications, missed meetings, and provision failures. This creates a factual timeline that can be used in complaints or tribunal.
2. Use Structured Letters
   The SEN Parent Support Group offers templates to re-establish communication and remind schools of their duties under the SEND Code of Practice.
3. Stay Statutory
   Frame concerns in terms of statutory breaches not emotion. Refer to the Children and Families Act 2014, Equality Act 2010, and SEND Code of Practice.
4. Escalate Strategically
   If informal resolution fails, move to Stage 1 complaint. Follow the school’s published complaints procedure and request written responses.
5. Seek Peer Support
   Isolation fuels frustration. Connecting with other parents through support groups can validate your experience and offer practical guidance. Join SEN Parent Support Group for peer support and guidance.
6. Prepare for Mediation or Tribunal
   If escalation is necessary, ensure your documentation is clear, your concerns are lawful, and your child’s needs remain the focus.

Rebuilding Trust (If Possible)

Sometimes, relationships can be repaired. A new SENCO, a facilitated meeting, or a shared training session can reset the tone. But rebuilding trust requires mutual accountability and a commitment to lawful, child-centred practice.

You Are Not Alone

Being labelled “vexatious” can feel like a personal attack. But it’s often a symptom of systemic failure, not parental wrongdoing. Parental Advocacy is not aggression. Persistence is not disruption. And your child’s right to support is not negotiable.

At SEN Parent Support Group, we stand with families who are navigating these challenges. Our resources, training, and community are here to help you stay empowered, informed, and supported no matter how broken the system may feel.

Join us as we “Navigate the SEN Processes for Better OUTCOMES, TOGETHER”™

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Maybe our Resource hub can offer you tangible resources to support your advocation? Maybe our CPD Accredited Training can help you navigate this process more efficiently?

Check out some of our resources below. Click on a file to take you directly to our resource hub.